Dev Log: December 11, 2024
I’m having one of those weeks where I panic because the game isn’t done, won’t be done by x date, will never be done, etc. By now, I recognize this as a need to shift gears, but it takes a few days to fully get there.
One of my giveaway panic-brain behaviors is working on parts of the game that have very little to do with the task at hand, and quickly becoming overwhelmed by how neglected these parts are. Of course they’re neglected… they’re not important right now! You can playtest an entire game without them. From this vantage point, I eventually pivot again to something that IS important - maybe more important than I’ve been acknowledging - but isn’t the thing I’m desperately avoiding. In this way, I can feel like the things I’m worried about ARE getting done, with the best possible attention to quality.
These past 2 days, that brings me back to animation. While this work isn’t technically needed to run a playtest, it weighs heavy on me. My biggest fear is putting off pivotal cutscene animation until the very end of development and making something boring, rushed, not what I meant. I also want the playtesters to experience at least some of the animation, which after all is part of how the game rewards you.
I occasionally work on minor animated scenes in a sort of modular way (draw a frame here and there, whenever I have time) which produces mediocre but passable results, and until a few days ago I was sweating approaching more major scenes that way, due to lack of time. Animation needs more than half of my attention. Animation needs my obession. Anything less would be a waste. And ultimately, it doesn’t take long when I’m in it, because I stick to it until it’s right.
I guess it’s just daunting to go looking for that obsession, to imagine throwing myself fully into so many things, as opposed to patiently, pleasantly chipping away at Game Tasks #1-10000. These creative bursts do not always happen during standard work hours. It’s magical - unpredictable. And it will all disappear into something bigger one day.
Dev Log: November 26, 2024
Tremendous writing day. I’m in the throes of menstrual agony, yet it’s the exact brain chemistry the moment demands!
beep beep
I got to work last night on some Writing System documents, an important aspect of PT:STS that I’ve nonetheless put out of my mind for a while. To help in the development of these systems, Matt poses excellent questions that force me to clarify the game’s vaguest and most disjointed elements. My work last night - freshly listing out each writing project on a timeline with its many approaches/outcomes - was a good start, but a second look at everything this morning through a narrative lens really brought it all together.
After sharing this work with Matt we got on a call and hashed it out further. It all felt like music. There is a surprising amount of narrative power in these systems. And when the systems tell a story, it’s easy to find support for them within the larger narrative. It really feels as if a new and equally compelling dimension has been added.
I spent the rest of the day doing Mom stuff but with the special kind of dot-connecting brain hum that comes on a good writing streak. Amazing to see this kind of progress right before the holiday lull. If I sound delirious, I may just be! But it’s worked out before, and I trust the process.
Dev Log: November 21, 2024
I’m home from my trip and I’ve begun my work on Systems.
Actually, I started it on my 7-hour flight because I couldn’t wait. After months of story and visual work, I’m hungry to code. Finally, some cold hard numbers in a world where nothing is ever objectively true or correct!
Not so fast, of course… These numbers need to be fun. As I’m coding I’m also spending plenty of time on the UI and how it feels to move around. I need to make sure the player actually wants to use all these systems I’m creating.
And truthfully, the numbers won’t mean much on their own. A while back I spoke to Tony Howard-Arias about keeping systems opaque in our games and allowing for numbers to roughly represent feelings, vibes… human stuff. It almost seemed devilish to admit that out loud, like I was lying to the player. But the things I’m looking to convey are not statistical, and the lie is my way of translating to the player the true meaning behind those numbers. I am converting integers to strings in a highly complex way that a computer can not do!!
The main thing is that it all needs to seem fair. The player should be able to read their outcome and more or less understand how they got there. I haven’t always been good at this. But I’m trying to be more honest.
Okay, so I wrote that a few days ago but didn’t get around to posting it. First of all, say goodbye to this bitch above me. Systems have taken their toll on me. I am not the woman my loved ones remember. I’m a hideous thing. I spent three days wiring the book exchange UI, pushing my build last night with a nasty crashing bug. I walk through the house agitated, puzzling over code that quickly becomes meaningless. I end up editing lines without remembering how I got to them.
This is not the easy work. Story is the easy work. Whatever I’m not doing now is the easy work. When I’m doing this kind of work the evil questions start to enter, questions like “Will this be the impassable thing?” and of course it won’t be, but the work put the fear in me, so congrats to the work.
Anyway I hopped out of bed at 6am and fixed the bug. On to what’s next.